It was the first Shabbos after Raizel's petirah and I was still in a fog. Raizel was on my mind yet I was heading to a meal where I did not think anyone knew her. How can I bring Raizel's light to this meal I thought…
During the fish course, everyone started side conversations and I overheard a girl across the table say "Albany" mumble mumble. Albany!? I chimed in, interrupting their conversation, did you just say Albany? As in Albany New York? Yeah, answered the girl across the table who I realized at that moment that I had never met before. Come to think of it, she was the only girl I had never met before at the seuda. She was a sister of a friend and was visiting just for one Shabbos.
"No way" I said, do you know the Labers? She shook her head no, but she said she had just been with the baby, because she took a shift that week and went on to explain how the community came together to take shifts for the baby so that he would not be alone during the week of shiva. It turned out that this girl lives in Albany because she is in graduate school there.
Oh, wait what, is that the person who passed away who you posted to do something lilui nishmas erev Shabbos- someone else piped in and asked.
"Yes", I said, and the smile pledges…- it's for this Raizel and her baby.
By that point the side conversations had stopped and the rest of the table was looking our way.
I looked around and said I must tell you all about Raizel, the precious baby's mother, can I tell you all about Raizel? She was such a light!
Everyone nodded eager to hear more.
I took a deep breath, and said this seuda should be lilui nishmas Raizel bas HaRav Avraham Dovid HaLevi, and bzchus refuah shleima of the tinok ha'kohen ben Raizel.
Raizel… I continued was an angel or a person, so regal, so kind, so thoughtful, so calm. She was a master chef and baker who worked in tandem with her sister and parents who were shluchim for Shabbatonim. She cooked for the summer camp her parents ran, women's retreats, events and family simchos. Raizel knew how to meal prep for a crowd of 10-100 plus. She went above and beyond for each group. When we had our "Peace in the Process Retreats", for single women, she used the freshest ingredients to feed our souls, and I know she did it for every other event as well. When she and her sister made pizza and garlic knots motzei shabbos, it was from scratch, her challah was imbued with love, her chicken soup warmed the hearts, her baked goods were delicacies of gadlus. When she made a fruit platter the kiwis were cut into flowers, the melons meticulously and lovingly arranged. The vegetable platters were also displays of art. Not to mention the salad bar and homemade salad dressings. Shaina and Raizel had a system, like busy bees who did not make the atmosphere feel rushed or hurried. Raizel was resourceful, organized, bsimcha, elevating everything she touched. Did I mention her sense of calm! My goodness, it was not the type of calm that someone fakes when you really know that they are stressed on the inside and are trying to hold it together. It was real menucha despite the amount that needed to get done. The most special part was that she cooked, prepared and organized with love and smiles the whole way through, exuding a calm demeanor. She made the challenges of cooking and prepping for a large needy crowd look so easy peasy. It was not as if she was trying to be nice, she genuinely was and to everyone she met, she exuded menuchas hanefesh despite the chaos! And let me tell you there was a lot of behind the scenes chaos.
Raizel would get up early to meal prep, if there would be a problem, no worries, Raizel knew how to fix it. Right after one meal there was another meal prep, leaving little down time when she was on the job. There were so many moments that we did not even see that she dealt with behind the scenes. We knew that when Raizel and Shaina were on it, we were in great hands.
The best was when they joined us in the activities and we got to dance, sing and learn together. One time we were all dancing like a Kallah's, before anyone in the group was married or even engaged and it was Raizel who turned an apron and table cloth into a wedding gown. Little did we know but just a few months later, the girl who had the idea to make the dress then gave Raizel a turn to wear it were both engaged and married just a few short months later. Raizel's sense of purpose shone through, she was an ovedes Hashem, filling all of her time with mitzvos, providing comfort to others through food that spiritually nourished their bodies and souls.
Raizel was able to uplift the mundane and the physical and imbue it with such kedusha and used her time for mitzvos and kirvas Hashem. She was doing holy work when she passed, carrying a child, married- it was just yesterday where we were dancing at her wedding….
You could hear a pin drop in the room when I finished… as I looked around the room I said, can I share one more thing? Everyone nodded.
My sister and I attended the Levayah which was near the Ohel and so we stopped at the Ohel afterwards. As I was about to leave, I needed some message of hope on that very dark day. I looked at the Rebbe playing on the screen before walking out of the lobby sort of doubting that the message would connect to me or Raizel, but wishing and hoping that it would. The Rebbe did not disappoint, he was saying "make the most of each day, each moment has infinite potential". It was after that message that I felt I could leave knowing I, and we, could live for Raizel, and carry on her light, by sharing her light with the world and sending her more light.
The room was silent again and I looked around at the single women sitting in front of me and I said, we have purpose, each moment has infinite purpose and potential, even though sometimes it might not feel like that. We are where we are because Hashem put us here.
Raizel lived every minute to the fullest, she was also working on a cook book to spread her light and love. She took every mitzvah that came her way and danced with it. I turned back to the girl who watched the baby, his mother is a very very special neshama and we are davening for his refuah.
The meal continued and everyone went their separate ways. I left wondering if what I said had touched anyone on a deep level, but either way, I was glad I was able to dedicate the seudah for Raizel and share her spark with others, especially the ones who did not even know her, but had taken on smiling at others in her zchus that Shabbos. A campaign led by another member of the "peace in the process group".
The following Shabbos, exactly one week later, two weeks after losing Raizel, I attended a girls Shabbaton for single women living in Passaic. I found myself sitting next to the same girl I sat next to at the previous week's Shabbos seuda. However, this was a meal with 40 single women, not six, and we did not arrive together. We washed for hamotzei and were exchanging pleasantries, when she stopped me mid sentence at the first course, and said, can I tell you something?
Sure, I said, as we enjoyed dips and salads wondering where this was all going, as this was a bit out of character for her. "Remember when you told us about your friend Raizel last week?" "Yeah", I said and stopped eating to listen more intently.
Well, I wanted to let you know that what you said changed my week and well maybe my whole outlook on life. Chills ran down my spine.
"What do you mean"?, I asked.
"Well,", she said, "I used to think that being single, is such wasted time and potential, we are all so capable, I mean if you look around this room, it is filled with such talent, such capable women are sitting with us this week. Being single can often feel like Hashem made a mistake, like c'mon how is what I am doing important, I used to think that only once I am married things I do will really matter, but Raizel elevated the physical for Hashem before and during her marriage. She was doing all the right things, always. If she had purpose and potential with all of it, then that means so do I.
At this point I was trying not to cry but the tears welled up in my eyes and chills ran up and down my spine again.
"Yes, exactly, that is exactly the message of Raizel" I said.
Her light shone through with everything she did. We have infinite potential now wherever we are. Your life is not wasted now because you are single, there is purpose and potential for elevation now. No minute is wasted, no time is less opportune to serve Hashem.
"Yeah", my Shabbos seuda friend said, "it really was a shift for me this week and well maybe forever".
I am so glad you shared that with me, I said, because after the first seuda I wondered if anyone left a different person.
Well, I did, my twice over Shabbos seuda friend replied. I really needed to hear all of it.
What an impact I thought. What an impression one person can make on someone she has never met. That was Raizel, her actions and demeanor spoke louder than words. Her soul lives on and another soul is shining more brightly because of her. A soul she never met was lit by her for eternity. What a gift it was to have known Raizel personally, and to be able to continue sharing her light with others. May she have an aliyas neshama and be a meilitz yosher for klal Yisroel and may we greet the coming of mashiach speedily in our days and dance with her once again, very very soon.